


Memoirs of Moon and Stars

by FurudeKami



Series: Fire Emblem Collection [4]
Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Fluff and Angst, Genderfluid Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, M/M, Nightmares, POV Alternating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rating Varies By Chapter, Trans Claude von Riegan, warnings vary by chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurudeKami/pseuds/FurudeKami
Summary: Their love is eternal, spanning lifetimes. And what better way to document their time as one than a series of memoirs of their times together to commemorate to each other?
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Series: Fire Emblem Collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1447270
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Claude's Memoirs: Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a collection of little mini fics I've written for these two for my modern AU. A majority of them will be in either Claude or Dimitri's POV, but a few will be in third person.

It’s sweet. It’s pure. It’s a sugary euphoria that coats my tongue and makes the words that come out of my mouth that much more kind and wonderful.

Our love is so sweet, a happy sugar of honey gold and baby blue that makes life that much more worth fighting for.

His laugh, his smile, his whispers of sweet nothings in my ear as we embrace, the warmth of his body against mine as we gaze into each others eyes, so full of adoration. Fern green meets cornflower blue, and we’re immediately lost in these hues.

When we come close and remove the space between us in a kiss, I can feel our souls intertwine, our love connecting us even further as we stay as close as we can. We never want to let up, never want to make space between ourselves, but our lungs burn from the lack of oxygen. We’ve lost ourselves in this too, enough to not focus on breathing. Despite being sad about the space between us returning, it’s always worth it to see the look on his face when I open my eyes. That deep blush that’s spread across his cheeks. The sound of his heavy breaths is a sound I could get drunk on as it mingles with the taste of him that lingers on my tongue.

I reach up to brush a bit of that lovely blonde hair out of his eyes, and he leans into my touch. That little smile he always gets drives me insane, it’s such a beautiful sight.

“I love you so much, Claude…”

The tone he has as he says these words, so soft and gentle, it’s a utopia of heavenly sensations in my core, no matter how common such a thing is for us both to say to each other at this point. How completely genuine it is keeps it feeling like it’s our first exchange of these words. Every single time.

“I love you too Dimitri, and I always will.”

I try with all my might to match that intensity, but I really do feel like his way of expressing it far surpasses mine, even though we’ve said it the same way. It does more than satisfy him though, and he gives me an even bigger smile, so I think I can keep these little insecurities in the back of my mind for now. He’s too beautiful to really get too distracted by other unrelated things, anyway.

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd. The man I hold so dear, the man I love more than anyone, or anything else. I hope that one day, when things smooth over with our plans, that I can go from addressing myself as Claude von Riegan, to Claude von Riegan-Blaiddyd.

No matter how long it takes, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for the day where I can finally bring us even closer somehow, no matter how I do it. Through marriage or not, I want him to know just how much I love him and am willing to do for him.

He’s never going to get rid of me, and I’ll never leave his side. This happy sugar, this sweet love, I never want to let go.

And I won’t. And neither will he.


	2. Dimitri's Memoirs: Prologue

All of it seemed pretty futile, you know.

I felt empty. Blank. That I had died long ago, and was just a vessel that was holding on to “life” by the threads of regret that had me under control, like a cruel puppet show. All the voices in my head that screamed at me with their own regret, agony, and hatred. All of the blood I have on my hands. All of the darkness and hatred I hold deep inside. It all made living seem completely worthless.

Until he came along.

That radiance, so charismatic and pure. That smile that drew me in, even though it never quite matched his eyes. I could always see that there was darkness in him too, but he still managed to be the brightest one in the room despite whatever demons he too carries within him.

That day, when we were only teenagers and leading our respective houses in the Officers Academy, when he held his hand out to me, and pulled me in for a comforting embrace after catching me crying from a particularly horrifying nightmare…

…I think I’d been in love since then.

We stayed so close since that time, and we only grew closer and closer. I felt my darkness slowly fading away at times, like he was the beacon of hope and light I’d been meant to find in life. I couldn’t be away from him longer than I had to, I couldn’t handle it. He was guiding me on a better path, and being away from that felt almost like my life was being torn away from me against my will.

I… I actually had a will to live because of him. Not what felt like an obligation to pay penance for my sins.

And when that special day came, and he confessed his own feelings to me in a sudden flurry, it truly bound us together for good.

Our love could finally come to fruition in the ways we had both so long desired.

We could finally hold each other and say the things we wanted to.

We could finally declare our love.

I will never let him go, as long as my body keeps going. And even after I’ve rotted away, I’ll still never let him go. We will be together for eternity, and we will forever be by each other’s side.

At this point, neither of us have a choice.


	3. Claude's Memoirs: Chapter 2

Grief, you’re so cute, you know that?

“What can I do to ever repay you for all that you do for me? Anything you want, and it will be done.” He says to me, with that adorable twinkle in his eyes he gets when his determination begins to show.

It’s so sweet.

“As long as I can see you smile, hear your voice, and feel your warmth by my side, I’m more than happy.” I reply. And I meant every word.

Aww, don’t pout Dimitri. It’s cute and all, but it makes me a little sad. I know you feel like you don’t do enough for me, but the truth is the exact opposite of that. You’ve done _everything_ for me.

Your happiness, your love, your very existence…

…It brings such an addictive sweetness and light to my own bitter, tainted, and dark heart.


	4. Dimitri's Memoirs: Part 2

With him, I feel so much more alive.

I feel so much less like only a mere husk of a human, a beast that has taken over an innocent being that must be slain.

He’s helped me so much. I wish so dearly that I could repay him for all he’s done for me with no ulterior motives, no desires for anything in return.

“As long as I can see you smile, hear your voice, and feel your warmth by my side, I’m more than happy.”

There must be _something_ that you want in return! These things are only the bare minimum! I would give you _anything_ and _everything_ you’ve ever desired! Please, give me the names of things you want, so I may retrieve them for you!

I would cut through any obstacles for you, level a mountain for you, do _anything_ to attempt to show my gratitude to you for bringing me closer to the light.

To show my thanks for reviving my will to go on.

To show how much I love you.


	5. Claude's Memoirs: Joys

No god or goddess could ever bless me more than the adorable sight I’m seeing right now.

Dimitri has been giddy and happy from the start today, and it’s absolutely contagious. He’s been grinning and chattering about all sorts of things, and I’ve been intently listening to every single word. He’s been really happy on his birthday before, but I think this is the happiest I’ve ever seen him.

“Geez, Dimi, what’s got you so chipper today compared to your other birthdays?” I ask him with amusement.

The immediate shift from hyper to soft as he looked at me with a smile was almost surprising to me, I won’t lie.

“I’m not sure, I…” His words faltered, but he had found them again before too much time had passed. “I’ve been feeling so much better lately thanks to you. Even if I were never to receive any form of gift again aside from one thing, I wouldn’t mind, because I already have that one gift with me right here, and always will.”

Oh. My heart’s just been obliterated with Cupid’s rocket launcher. That was _too cute._ And the way he grabbed my hands to lock our fingers together as he said that last part… I’ve _never_ felt so warm and fuzzy inside with anything or anyone else…

All I could do was grin at him, the feeling of this moment making my brain stay at a standstill, no matter how much I wanted to respond in kind. I wanted to say _something_ , _something_ to try and show how much he means to me, too. But sadly, I couldn’t find the words. Oh well, a kiss has always sufficed in situations like this.

Happy birthday, Dimitri. I love you so much.


	6. Dimitri's Memoirs: Fears

Please no…

Please, _don’t_ do this to me…

Is he tired of me now? Am I too much of a burden for him? Have I scared him off? Why…why isn’t he here with me?

Don’t leave me…don’t leave me all alone, Claude…

I wake up, expecting him there with me in bed, or at least somewhere else in the house, but today…he was gone…

“Claude? Wh-where are you?”

My voice comes out small and frail, and I almost cringe at how weak I felt because of it.

I checked every nook and cranny of the house, but he’s nowhere to be found. The panic rises into my throat, and I can barely breathe now. I’m being smothered by this fear that he left me, that I scared him away, and that I’m actually a horrible monster after all…

The tears fall freely, blurring my vision as I crumple to the floor. I can do nothing but sob. I’m too scared to do anything else-

“Dimi, what’s wrong?!”

I’m snapped out of the darkness taking over my senses by that warmth as it wraps around me tight, holding me close. I can feel his quickening breaths against my skin as he frantically looks me up and down, checking for anything he could find to help him find out what was going on. I couldn’t resist it, and let out a yell the very moment my throat relaxed enough to do so, before I was reduced to my sobs again.

“I-I thought you left me… I thought you weren’t gonna come back…”

“Dimitri…”

His voice was soft, and he never once moved from his spot more than needed to stay comfortable as he held me. How long we had been on the floor like that, I haven’t a clue, but what I _do_ know is that he refused to leave me. He was here. He was still with me. He still loves me.

I wasn’t alone after all…


	7. Dimitri's Memoirs: Nightmares

I can’t do anything but run. **  
**

All I see around me is red. Blood. Carnage of war.

All I can hear are those voices, hundreds upon hundreds of screams, haunting me and ringing down deep into my very core.

The smell of gore, metal, and gunpowder fills my nostrils, and I oh so wish I could just vomit all of these vile feelings out and be done with it.

But I can’t. I can only keep running.

I’m so scared… I’m so scared and alone as I try to outrun these demons within me… Please, someone help me…

I couldn’t before, but the very moment my throat opened up enough to let me make a sound, I took that chance.

_“CLAUDE! CLAUDE **PLEASE** HELP ME!”_

I continued to scream. To cry. To call his name as I frantically searched for him. But he was nowhere to be found among the piles of corpses I kept passing over and over, taunting me oh so cruelly.

Wait, what the hell is happening?

I was stopped in my tracks by a sudden force holding me in place, but I had begun to shake back and forth before I could fully register what was going on. Then, right as I gathered myself after the shaking stopped, almost as soon as it began…

White light that blinded me, then total darkness and silence. Were those crickets I had begun to hear? I tore open my eyes in a hurry, feeling light headed from how quickly I had sat up to look around me. Ah… I was in bed the whole time. Another one of those nightmares.

“Hey, you alright now?”

That voice, the only one that truly brought me any sort of peace, the one I searched so desperately for, spoke to me in a gentle whisper. I turn to see those beautiful eyes, intense as they look into my own with nothing but worry and compassion. I couldn’t quite look into them long, since my vision had blurred from my tears, but I took in the sight while I had it.

“Shhh, it’s alright now, I’m here… It’s okay, Dimitri…”

He held me tight as we rocked back and forth in our spot, the circles he rubbed into my back a slow rhythm that had helped ground me once again as I focused on it, and the words he spoke to me.

He was here with me, and he was okay. He was alright. He was in my arms, soothing my wounds the best he can and assuring me that he would protect me no matter what the cost.

Claude… thank you. Thank you so much…


	8. Claude's Memoirs: Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a warning on this one for referenced past transphobia and child abuse, and some graphic depictions of violence

What is going on here? What is this? What is any of this?

I… I haven’t been this terrified in so long…

I can’t move. I can’t escape. I can only look around me in fright as all of my memories come flooding into my sight again.

_“What the hell are you on about, Claudia?”_

_“Will you quit calling me that?! That’s a girl name, and I’m not a girl!”_

_“What? Seriously, cut the shit! I'm tired of hearing it so much! That's all you ever talk about anymore! You are a GIRL! You have GIRL PARTS! GIRL!”_

Shut up.

_“Are you seriously going to let her do all this?!”_

_“If our child doesn’t want to be addressed as a girl, then why do you keep calling him as such?!”_

_“Because she IS! You can look right at her and see it! I gave birth to her, I saw her!”_

Shut up. Just shut the hell up.

_“Fine, you win. You better not change your mind, because I’m not letting you after all the drama that went down because of you for all those years, got it? What the hell do I have to do to make you quiet down about this?”_

_“Literally all you had to do the whole time was see me as the boy I am, how is that so hard?”_

_“Don’t get fucking lippy with me, boy!”_

_Shut the fuck up, you **bitch.**_ You didn’t make yourself any more excusable degrading me with different pronouns.

Dammit… Goddess _dammit…_ I can feel the rage rise as my fear does now… Why did I have to go through all of these things?

I didn’t deserve anything I endured. Or so I tell myself, to be able to keep from letting all this pain show through to the world. I can’t help but think I may have deserved at least some of it, else I wouldn’t have been punished the way I was.

…Oh well. At least now I can use all of that against her to tear her down.

She’s done so many cruel things to me. So many harsh words said. She wanted a boy, she fucking got one, just not the way _she_ wanted him to be. But does that truly mean I deserved what I got?

Actually… no. It doesn’t.

Let me out of these chains. _Now._

I still can’t break free, even as the memories shift to become more gruesome and terrifying things I can’t avoid and cuss away. Horrible beasts with their bloodied and mangled fangs right in my face as they watch my every move, hear every ragged breath I take.

_Let me out of these chains._

One of these beasts looks familiar to me, in a way I can’t quite place. Until I look into its eyes, a shade of blue I know all too well.

Let me out. _Let me out let me out let me out._

“You’re… not him.” That’s all I can bring myself to mutter as the low and grating growl of the being vibrates even the chains that hold me down.

It opens its mouth, letting out a roar that shook me to my core and sent shockwave after shockwave of fear up and down my spine.

It’s going to kill me. I’m about to die here.

“Cl-aude…. Claude…”

My eyes widen at the beast as it speaks my name in a drawn out slur. That tone… That voice…

“No. Shut up.”

It persisted. It continued to keep saying my name in that voice I held dear, but hoarse as if it hadn’t used it in forever. It inched closer and closer to me, baring its fangs as it readied itself to finally take a bite out of me, that voice still coming out repeatedly like a broken record. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for my demise.

_“CLAUDE! PLEASE, DON’T GO! DON’T LEAVE ME!”_

It was at that moment that I’d been braver than I’d ever been before.

As if it were falling right into sequence, I’d broken through the chains with ease, shattering them into pieces with my every movement as I lunged for the beast with a snarl. What was driving this thirst for blood in me, I knew the roots exactly, but I refused to dwell and lose my focus. I grabbed the beast’s mouth, spreading my arms as wide as they could go to rip the thing’s mouth apart.

Oh, Goddess… Why am I doing this? And why… _why do I love it so much?_

My fear quickly faded to ecstasy as I felt the blood of the beasts coating my bare skin. This chaos and carnage was so disgusting, yet so beautiful in a twisted way.

“Fuck you all, you’ll NEVER fucking tear me down! DIMITRI NEEDS ME!”

I cackled as I tore my way through these demons of mine, with no desire to spare any of them. I wanted their disgusting, dirty blood painting these white walls a nice murky shade, and by the Goddess I was going to ensure that would be happening. I felt him take over, felt his strength become one with mine to help me rip through. I knew he’d taken the lead fully by now, because I wasn’t even in control of my own mouth anymore when I spoke.

“Kill _EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!_ ”

Those words echoed in my mind, said through my own mouth for the one who couldn’t say it himself.

He was helping me by taking control of my body, while tearing through his own demons at the same time. I fully understood that now.

Was I… actually enjoying this after all, if that’s the case? Was it his enjoyment instead? Whatever the case, I can’t worry about it right now, not with him in control.

Before I knew it, I’d frozen in place, staring down at the bloodied ground as I caught my breath. It took a moment to prepare myself, but I lifted my head to look around at my surroundings, since I’d blanked out before I could prevent it. My eyes widened at just how much damage I’d done, with nothing remaining of the beasts that surrounded me that was in one piece. Something caught my eye the most out of everything else, though.

Was that big mirror on the wall always there?

I limped my way over to it, the soreness from my exertion finally starting to kick in. I let out a gasp as I looked at myself, and the piercing blue that my eyes changed to. They emitted a faint and slightly eerie glow. I lifted a hand to touch the glass of the mirror on instinct, but quickly recoiled it when it began to ripple and distort.

“What the hell?”

“…Forgive me.”

It was all coming together now as the ripples faded away, leaving not my reflection, but his in its place. That glow was no longer there, only the foggy darkness of a singular blue eye remained, the other covered by an eyepatch and that messy blonde hair.

“Forgive me… Forgive me for what I’ve done…”

His voice shook as he stared at me, his eye tearing up as he fought to hold his composure.

“What do you mean?” I ask him. “What did you do?”

“I…I just _possessed_ you! I just snatched your body up like it was my own to use as I pleased! Does this not bother you?!”

To be honest, it really didn’t. He just saved me. What’s to be angry about for saving me from being bitten in half by a mimicking nightmare beast?

“You saved me from being those things’ meals, did you not? I fail to see any reason to be mad at you for that.”

I could already feel the regret creeping up my spine as I saw the exasperated expression he gave me. He didn’t like that answer whatsoever, and it tore through him in ways that me tearing through those beasts could never compare.

“Do not say that… d-do not say you aren’t mad, you must be! You must be mad at me, must demand that I receive some form of punishment to pay penance-”

“Enough, Dimitri.”

He stared at me, eye wide and wet from the tears that had begun to roll down his face.

“I said I wasn’t mad, and I mean it.” My voice was gentle as I spoke to him, ensuring that he kept his attention on me. “You’re free now. You’ve done what you could do while you lived, and were granted your freedom when you died. I swore to help you bear these burdens back then during that one special visit to your grave, did I not?”

“Y-yes, but…”

“And I meant every word. I don’t care how hard it gets for me sometimes, how vile my thoughts, words, and actions may become, as long as I help ease your pains. In this life, we’re _truly_ one. My love for you never faded back then, and it has only gotten stronger now. In this life, I am the product of our love. I am you, and you are me.”

I followed him to the floor as his legs gave in, and said nothing as he quietly sobbed and leaned his head against the glass of the mirror.

“Please… please don’t be lying to me… I couldn’t bear it…”

“I would never dare lie to you.”

I think it surprised both of us when I leaned closer to rest my own head against the mirror, but was met with the warmth of him instead of coldness from the glass. He and I both moved back a bit to look at each other, before he hesitantly lifted a hand. He blushed as I took it in my own, planting a soft kiss to the back of it.

“I want to feel your warmth again, Dimitri.”

“Wh-what? What do you mean?”

I only smiled and moved closer to wrap my arms around him, nestling into the crook of his neck. He jolted, but didn’t pull away, and I was happy to feel him return the gesture, even if it was hesitant. He cried out louder now, his hold on me growing tighter and tighter.

“Forgive me… Forgive me… Forgive me…”

…

Forgive me.

Forgive me.

Forgive me… _Forgive me… **Forgive me…**_

“Claude! Wake up!”

My gasp that cut through the silence of our bedroom was what finally woke me up, my tears blurring my vision as I tried to look around.

“Claude, dearest, is everything alright now?”

I just nodded and sniffled, and wiped my eyes before looking at him with a smile. A smile to try and ease away the concern on his face, and showing in his eyes, his eyepatch nowhere to be found.

“I’m all good now, now that I can see you.”

“I really don’t mind talking about it if it would help ease you further. Would you like to?”

I opened my mouth to say the usual “no, I’ll be alright,” but something in me said to go with it this time, so I did.

“Actually… yeah, I wanna get something off my chest. What bothered me the most wasn’t what was in the dream, but how I could feel myself speaking here, and couldn’t understand what I was saying. What _was_ I saying, anyway?”

He frowned at me in a way that made me sadder than I can explain.

“You… you just kept saying ‘forgive me’ over and over…”

That was it. That was the final piece of the puzzle. I know what was going on now.

Despite it containing my own troubles, it wasn’t even my dream. It was his. His past self was having a nightmare that I went through in my path to help shoulder his burdens. I had this dream for him, so he wouldn’t have yet another to add to the list of ones he already has for many nights on end.

I feel happy to ease his pain, but sad that he had so much that he endured all alone back then.

I couldn’t stop myself when I began to cry again, and hid my face away by pulling him in for a hug. The regret and humiliation coursed through me in a burning wave, and I hated it so much. If for one second anyone would dare to assume that I’d get rid of this though, they would be the blindest of fools.

I will bear these pains with pride and a smile. I will ensure that he can have as much peace as he can get. If my parts of the pain are the only times he can have a break, I’m going to endure until I can’t anymore. And that time will come when we’re both old and our time to leave this life finally comes.

I love him too much to let him go through these things alone.


	9. Moon and Star Memoirs: Assurances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is in a third person POV. Any chapter with 'Moon and Star Memoirs' in the title will be in a third person POV.

"Claude, may I ask you something?"

"Of course you can, there's no need to ask permission. What's on your mind?"

"Would you... ever leave me?"

Dimitri felt a nervous lump beginning to form in his throat seeing how quickly Claude's demeanor had changed, both completely silent for a bit as Claude gawked at him in shock.

"Of course I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare to  _ think _ about it!" Claude finally replied. " I would  _ never _ leave you! I love you too much to leave you."

The relief washed over Dimitri in a comforting wave, and he gave Claude a soft smile and a nod.

"Thank you. Thank you so much. I apologize for asking such things out of the blue at times, I just need that assurance sometimes..."

"And I'll happily give it to you."

He almost squeaked from surprise at how sudden Claude had pulled him into a hug, but he didn't waste time before wrapping his arms tight around Claude. He knew Claude wasn't hurt, and they both trusted each other enough to squeeze this tightly during embraces. Where others may have been uncomfortable, or even in pain, Claude and Dimitri could both squeeze as tight as they want with each other without a care. They could feel the effects of their Crests kicking in now, and both loosened their holds just enough to not let the Crest of Blaiddyd fully take effect. Both had this power in their grasp, after all.

"Man, when's the last time your Crest activated, Dimi?"

"I-I'm not sure, I'm still not quite familiar with all of this Crest business like you are..."

"Meh, that's okay," Claude said with a grin, "you only just recently were made aware about the whole reincarnation thing, too. It'll likely take a while to get you fully informed."

Claude took Dimitri's hand, leading him out of the room to head upstairs. He only grinned back when he was asked what was going on, until he picked Dimitri up, and walked him into their bedroom to gently toss him onto the bed. He let out a laugh at how high the sudden little startled sound Dimitri made was.

"Grief, be more gentle with me... U-unless we're..?"

"Nah, nothin' like that right now," Claude said as he joined Dimitri on the bed once he had taken off his shoes and jeans, "I just wanna relax. Maybe have a little nap? You seem a bit stressed lately, so a nap may help a teeny bit."

Dimitri wouldn't deny it. He really wanted a nap. So he gave in to the temptation, taking off his own jeans before getting under the blanket to snuggle up close to Claude. This was a small luxury. One that he didn't mind ignoring the voices in his head over. Where he'd normally hear them getting louder and more chaotic, berating him about how  _ he _ shouldn't be allowed to do this, when  _ they _ deserve the rest more, during times of comfort and relaxation with Claude by his side grants him the power to silence them and not give in to what they want of him. He snuggles up closer to the man he holds dearest, and it seems like all his stresses fade away, even if only for a short while.

"I'll always be with you, Dimitri. Love isn't strong enough a word to describe the way I feel for you."

The peace and joy only grew in him. Claude was his light, the person he was fated to be with. To love. To be sworn to forever.

"I feel that exact same way about you, my dearest."


	10. Claude's Memoirs: Beauty

“I… I-I’m ready…”

“Ooh! C’mon out, lemme see!”

The sound of heels clicked on the hallway floor, before being muted by the carpet of the main room. I look up, and freeze at the sight before me. Dimitri, he looks...

“Beautiful…”

I could only stare at him, words completely failing me. He was beautiful. No, he was more than beautiful, but the words wouldn’t come to me enough to try and find a better way to try and express how he looked to me. The dress he wore framed him quite well, the deep blue of it sparkling in the light of the room from the glitter dusting it. Little bows sprinkled the skirt as far as the eye could see, with a bigger one in the back. The top was a highneck, with a blue choker he’d added to the mix that matched the blues of the dress amazingly. A black oval jewel sat on the front of the choker, too.

“Claude? Is everything alright?”

“Holy  _ fuck _ , Dimi, you look… I-I can’t even find the words to describe how beautiful you look! You’re absolutely  _ gorgeous! _ ”

That look he gave me. Oh, Goddess, that adorable, bashful look with that little smile and look to the side. I almost wanna squeal, he’s just so… so  _ CUTE! _ I’ve given up trying to verbally express my feelings, and stand to walk over to him, looking all around him at the dress. This dress is so cute, I wonder where he got it from.

“There’s not too many bows on this, is there?”

“Not at all, it’s super cute!” I say as I reach a hand out to feel the fabric of the skirt. “And holy hell, this is so silky and soft! Where did you get this?”

“W-well…” Dimitri stutters a bit and pauses before he responds. “I had Mercedes make it for me. I also asked Felix to do the designing, and told him to design whatever made him think of me in terms of cute dresses.”

Felix designed this, eh? I can actually see that now that I think about it. He may not be too fond of Dimitri, but when it comes to people expressing themselves like this, he’s definitely no pushover. He’s the go-to for outfit designs to express who you are, that’s for sure.

“Well hot damn, he never ceases to amaze with his designs, does he?” I ask with a grin, and take Dimitri’s hands to kiss the backs of both of them. “And with him teaming up with Mercedes, they have the power to easily turn you into the most beautiful and fair of princesses.”

Dimitri giggled at me, and pulled me in for a hug, and I quickly return the gesture, careful of the dress from not wanting to wrinkle it all up. I could feel the joy coming off of him in waves right now, and that makes me so happy. So happy that he feels so comfortable with himself. So happy that he’s finding himself even more, and experimenting without fear of judgement. I’d never judge him, and I’m glad he knows that.

“Claude, I just want to say… Coming out and telling you that I would like to experiment with my identity was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m so much more comfortable doing things like this now. I feel so much more confident in myself.”

“And I’m happy you are! I don’t love you because of your identity, or if you’re a man or woman, or any other gender. I love you for  _ you _ , Dimi. So whenever you want me to address you in specific ways, always tell me, and I’ll do it with no hesitation. Your happiness and comfort matters to me.”

And it’s true. Dimitri is who he is. And him being genderfluid doesn’t at all affect what I feel for him. He’s beautiful how he is because he’s  _ him _ , and whatever he wants to do to find himself, I support him all the way. Even if he goes through countless things before he finds what fits him the best and stays. It’s never too late for a person to find themselves, and experiment to see who they are, and I plan on making sure that he knows that he’s free to do what he needs to do to find that true self of his. He’s still the person I love the most in the world, and always will be, no matter what he identifies as.

He will always be the most beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I thought about changing the relationship type because of Dimitri being genderfluid, but I decided to keep it because he's more masculine-aligned with his identity. If he were more feminine-aligned with how he felt, I would've definitely changed it.


	11. Moon and Star Memoirs: Mishap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on this one, it contains talk of binders and such, in case it's a sensitive topic for anyone. Also, it takes place during their academy days, so it's a bit of a flashback, if you will.

“Finally we get some alone time, eh?”

“Yes, I have been waiting for this all day, I will not lie to you.”

“Same here.” Claude says as he removes his uniform coat to drape over the chair at his desk, and sits on the edge of his bed, arms outstretched. “Now c’mere, I wanna hug ‘n kiss you.”

Dimitri does so with no hesitation, almost falling into Claude’s arms. The two hold each other close, lost in each other’s warmth as they deepen their kiss. This was a rare treat they always were sure to treasure while they had it.

Being the lords of different houses always made them short on time to be together, but they always did what they could do to interact with each other somehow. Every time they pass each other in the halls, they would greet each other with a smile and wave after pretending to accidentally brush arms. During the short time between classes, they always met up to chat about what went on in their houses and how classes went. They would study together whenever possible. They would always eat together, unless another student dragged one of them off before they could meet up, and/or they wanted some time with friends. Whenever allowed, they would train together, and both of them had improved with their skills greatly when this happened. Claude was almost frighteningly good with an axe, Dimitri had found, but eventually they had gone to an equal amount of wins over each other once they had begun to keep a tally, or even a draw somehow. How that happened, it all just depends on the moment, really. The two began to get creative with each their skills and techniques when training together, and it either ended well for one of them, or neither of them.

But despite all they did together when they could, it seemed that they were fated to be apart a majority of the time. At least that’s how it felt to them, anyway. But they never gave up hope, or distanced from the discouragement. They only became closer, more determined to have as much time together as possible.

And here they were, finally with many an hour for themselves to do what they please. And they would be sure to savor this.

Claude grins into the kiss when Dimitri brings himself even closer, and he moves back to rest on an arm, the other moving up to tangle into Dimitri’s hair to keep him close. Dimitri had begun to feel a little brave, and let his hands wander about the other man’s body. One made its way under his shirt-

Dimitri pulls back, surprise clear as a cloudless day on his face.

Claude looks to see what Dimitri had saw, and it clicked when he’d looked for a few seconds. Dimitri had come in contact with an extra article of clothing underneath his shirt: a binder.

“Oh… O-OH! OH MY GOODNESS, I AM SO SORRY!”

Dimitri pulls away, and covers his face with his hands as he continues to stutter in a panic.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay! You didn’t do anything wrong!”

Claude could understand why Dimitri was so suddenly panicked. He’d never worn a binder a day in his life, so for all he knew, it could’ve been taken as him having dysphoria and Dimitri being worried that he was crossing boundaries. Now of course Claude didn’t feel dysphoria, as he never had before, he just wanted to see what binding was like. And to see Dimitri so worried that he’d done something wrong, it just made him even more averse to owning this damned thing. He didn’t like how binding felt anyway, so he had even less of a problem giving this to someone else who wants and needs it much more than he does after this is all said and done, and having this unfold because of it just concreted that even further.

“Dimitri, hey, look at me.”

He tries to calm himself, and slowly lowers his hands from his eyes to look at him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? I just wanted to see what wearing a binder was like today. You didn’t cross any boundaries, or be too forward, if that’s what you worry about.”

That seemed to ease him a bit, and he finally moved his hands away from his face.

“A-are you sure? I would not dare to push anything onto you…”

“I’m positive, Dimitri.” Claude replies with a soft smile. “Now come on back over here. It’s okay.”

He takes a moment, but finally Dimitri nods and walks back over, and nestles into the crook of Claude’s neck as he pulls Dimitri into a hug. They stay that way for a while, gently rocking back and forth as they talk idly. Claude wouldn’t push him, and before long Dimitri had calmed once again. He moves to look at Claude, and the two take a moment to just gaze into each other’s eyes. Seeing how much Claude showed him that he showed no one else, how much those eyes sparkled around him, it made his heart flutter. He trusted Claude, and he knew Claude trusted him. He knew Claude would warn him beforehand if anything was bothering him. He’d begun to feel a little foolish for panicking so much despite knowing this, though.

“I apologize for being so loud and making a scene like that, it was foolish of me.”

“Foolish? The hell are you talking about? I’ve never had someone so worried about my comfort before and so worried about what I felt about what went on, I’m actually happy you care so much. It shows you respect me and want to know what I feel, and respect my wishes for myself. I’m just more worried about you, honestly, that was quite a show.”

Claude chuckled and gave Dimitri a quick kiss on the nose, grinning at the blush that had spread across his cheeks. That grin grew even bigger when Dimitri had finally given him a smile in return.

“A-ha!  _ There’s _ that smile I love so much!”

“Of course. I cannot seem to stay worried with you. You always manage to ease my stress, at least a slight bit. I know you mean what you say. You… you never fail to make me feel safe and assured, and never judged for my mistakes.”

Claude’s expression softened at that, and he moved in to rest his forehead against Dimitri’s, their eyes fluttering closed.

“I’m glad. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s only natural. I’m happy I make you feel less burdened by your own, and I plan on continuing to do that. Whatever you want my help with, or anything you want me to know during our time together, just ask me.”

“And I say the same to you, Claude. I wish you to come to me whenever you would like assistance, or to inform me of anything on your mind, and I will do all within my power to help you.”


	12. Dimitri's Memoirs: Beauty (Explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's sexual content in this chapter, just to note

He's so beautiful.

I wish I had the words to express just how much I love him, but every time I try, they leave me. I sound like a broken record. He's the only one I feel so safe around, the only one I've ever held so dear. He's the only one I've ever trusted so easily. He's the only one that's been so gentle with me, not out of feeling it an obligation, but because of the basic reason of that he wanted to because I'm another human being. He never cared about my titles, my reputation, none of that, and it was an exhilarating to me to finally feel what it was like to be treated as just a regular person. To him, I wasn't some warrior prince to be pitied that did no wrong, I was just another person he knew.

And I could never thank him enough for freeing me from those burdens that chained me to so much pain.

* * *

The warmth of his embrace has me clinging even closer to him, every one of his kisses leaving a pleasant tingle on my skin. Now, too much warmth usually has me averse and uncomfortable, but his...is addicting.

A smile lifts the corners of his lips as they trail down my body, and the way he looks up at me as he takes his time, those eyes so full of a fiery passion that I never see him give anyone else, an intense love, it drives me wild. It makes me crave him even more. I'm addicted to the way he makes me feel. These sensations, they're ones I never dreamed I would even truly care about until he came into my life. I can't help but voice these feelings aloud, and when I feel him come back up to give a tender kiss on my throat, and move up to tease with a nibble on my earlobe, I let out a small moan. His voice so close to my ear as he chuckles, low and husky, has my whole body shivering in excitement.

"Sensitive as ever, eh?"

I only nod. I'd have embarrassed myself if I were to speak, already knowing my voice would be small and weak from how needy I've become. But he doesn't seem to mind, and takes pity on me. I feel those deft hands of his making their way downwards again, and my heart skips a beat, already excited for what was to come. One rests itself on my chest, and the other keeps going, until I feel that familiar teasing trace of a finger up and down, and he begins to palm me through the fabric of my boxers.

"Please..." My voice was indeed as small as I expected it to be, but at this point, it no longer mattered. "Please, Claude, don't tease me..."

Oh, my... The way he bites his lip as he smirks at me, and looks right down...

"You must be awfully needy today. It's not a problem, I've been feeling particularly tense myself, so why don't we go ahead and get down to business?"

I nod eagerly, and lift my hips just enough to allow him to pull my boxers down and off, neither of us caring where they landed as he tossed them away to some random part of the room. And again, he leans in close, trailing kisses up my neck, one on my jaw, on each of my cheeks, and finally, my lips. We lose ourselves in this, and it only gets deeper as he climbs up onto my lap, and wraps his arms around me as he grinds up against me. Our breathing is ragged, and I can feel a swell of pride as I catch the faintest hitch of his own when I move my own hips against his. I can already feel how much he's wanting this, and wasn't very surprised when he suddenly broke the kiss to hurriedly take off his own boxers, and got to see just how dark that wet spot was before he noticed and hurriedly threw them, too.

"Yeah, I'm definitely tense, like I said. I'm fucking soaked already." He muttered with a pout as he climbed back up into my lap. He only pouts more for a moment when I can't help but let out a soft laugh. But before long, we were against each other again, our hips at a steady pace. He leans over slightly to reach the nightstand, and grabbed all we needed to set on the bed. "I'm all ready when you are."

"I'm ready. Let's begin."

Now, our time we take preparing for these things is what others may see as "boring", considering we don't tease and continue the foreplay often with it as we go, aside from what is needed to make things proceed easier. But that doesn't make the time any less enjoyable for us. Though this time, not much was really needed, given how eager both of us are for this. He's already preparing himself by the time I've gotten the condom rolled on, and I can't help but watch him. He shoots me a lazy grin as he fingers himself, but that casual expression of his falters ever so slightly as he adds a third finger to the mix.

"You gonna lube up and fuck me, or get off without me? You're eyeing me like I'm a snack." He says with a teasing tone. "I mean I _am_ , but I dunno if I'm wondrous enough to leave a man frozen in his spot like that."

I have to blink myself back into focus, and avoid his gaze as I hear him snicker. I do what I had planned to without a word, but a shaky sigh left me once I felt that slickness on me as I prepared. I look back up to see him watching my every move, and the hunger in his eyes has me fighting trembles all over again. Finally, I'm prepared... We can finally get this started.

He slowly pulls his fingers out, and the little noise I hear has me biting my lip as I crawl over. He lays back against the pillows he had propped himself up against, his arms outstretched.

"C'mere, Dimi."

* * *

How long have we been at this? I don't quite remember, but it's too good to stop anytime soon.

The sounds of our gasps for air, the sound of our moans and praises, the sounds of our skin as my hips meet his, it's all in a perfect harmony. I'm practically sobbing at this point as I thrust as deep as I can go, the pleasure intense enough to nearly make my eyes roll back as I move. The little toy he'd sneaked into the mix was aimed perfectly in this position, and I was seeing stars behind my eyelids whenever I squeezed them shut. He tightened around me, and I cry out loud enough to make my voice crack. I'd have been humiliated at such an intense crack, had I not gotten a groan in response, and after that all my negative feelings just vanished into thin air, just like my resolve as I could feel that pressure building up.

"Cl-Claude-Claude I-I'm about to...!"

"Do it," he growled out, "cum for me. Cum for me and don't you dare hold back. Let it all loose."

His tone he gets as he growls out his orders, I could likely lose myself with that alone. That look he gets when he does that, so aggressive and almost animalistic... I want so badly for him to take control of me all the time, to show me who I belong to and make me keep doing whatever he wants me to do to show him I will gladly give myself to him. His near sadistic satisfaction that is evident on his face as he grins at me, oh, Goddess, I love it so much...

With a gasp and a choked sob, I'm done for. My hips collide with his one last time before I freeze up, my entire body trembling as I reach my finish. But once I take a few seconds to rest, I begin to move again. I definitely surprised Claude, judging by the look he gave me, but that's more than fine. I have enough in me to push the limits and achieve what I plan to.

He hasn't cum yet. I'm going to get him there.

He was already close, and getting himself there on his own, but that wasn't going to please me. I move his hand away, and replace it with the one that didn't have its hold on his hip. I must have picked a very good spot to move, considering the flutters I could feel around me as he let out a moan and his head fell back against the pillows. His puts his hands up on each side of his head to get good fistfuls of the pillows to cling on to, and lets me do as I please. Perfect.

"O-oh fuck... I'm about to cum..."

_Perfect._

I didn't relent one bit, and only held him firm when he'd begun to writhe about. Finally, with a loud gasp, the feeling of his legs lifting up to wrap tight around me, and shudders that had him arching his back high, he came. But to think I'd stop there... Oh, no, I'm going to finally give him the blinding ecstasy he gives to me every single time we do this. I'm going to give him the pleasure he deserves. I didn't stop at all, and only moved my hand faster. I can't help but mimic his grin he'd given me earlier as he was reduced to frantic whines and whimpers that grew louder in volume by the second.

"Fff _FUCK!_ " He growls again through gritted teeth. "DON'T STOP! MORE! I'm still c-cumming! O-oh fuck... Oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK I THINK I'M ABOUT TO-"

The squeal he lets out echoes in the room, it's so loud. But I finally get him to that blinding level of ecstasy he never fails to bring me to, the one that always leaves me breathless and feeling like my legs could turn to pure jelly at any moment. I stop the movement of my hips, but my hand keeps going, and I'm surprised by how much he's soaked it already. I can feel that wetness on my stomach, and the air in the room has it chilling my skin. He finally comes back down, his chest heaving as he tries to take in as much air as he can get, and I move my hand away. It's cramping and tired as can be, but I don't mind that one bit. I got him to the finish, and gave him what I wanted to give him, so I'm more than happy. Apparently he's also happy, because I hear the smallest of breathless giggles from him as he grins up at me.

"How are you holding up, dearest?"

"...I'm fucked."

"O-oh? Is that so?" I ask him with a chuckle. "Just how might you be?"

"I'm not gonna be able to piss straight for a month. 'M fuckin' wrecked. I'mma be limpin' for like a week 'n sittin's gonna be a bitch." His words were slurring a bit, but he still was grinning from ear to ear as he spoke. "But like...Like how the fuck did you learn that? Where? Where did ya learn that? 'Cause I'm like fuckinnnn'... I'm fuckin' like... Yeah. Good shit."

I laugh louder at that, and he sticks his tongue out at me and pulls me down to lie on top of him, holding me close. He gives me a few soft kisses once he'd caught his breath, and pulled away to give me a wink.

"I'mma be burning like holy fuck fire when you pull out, Dimi. And it's gonna be worth it."

* * *

Well, he wasn't wrong, there was definitely limping. And it wasn't just him.

We managed to force ourselves out of bed to stand and clean up, and get the towels we'd put down put in the wash. We limped our way to the bathroom to have a much needed shower after that, after Claude had taken a moment to use the toilet. But now we're all cleaned up, our room is all cleaned up, and we're now spending our time together on the sofa in the main room, just listening to the birds singing outside. Claude let out a grunt as he resituated, and laid back on the couch once he'd moved its pillow to have a comfortable cushion, and he holds his arms up.

"Cuddle?"

I smile and nod, and proceed to lie down on top of him, my head against his chest. His heartbeat was the soothing thing I'd always turned to, no matter if the times were good or bad. That rhythm of life I hear inside him keeps me going, and keeps me assured. He's right here with me, and we're together. I'm right here against him, and we're holding each other close as I nestle against his breasts a bit more to get a better angle to hear him. He sighs out happily, and I feel a hand rest atop my head, then feel him begin to pet my head gently, and run his fingers through my hair.

"Claude?"

"Hm?"

"I love you so much."

A second or so of silence, and I look up to see him smiling down at me. There was nothing but pure fondness in those eyes of his, nearly sparkling as they gazed into my own.

"I love you too, Dimitri."

I've never felt so safe and assured with anyone else. I've never felt so cared about with anyone else. I've never felt so loved with anyone else. I've never felt so alive with anyone else.

I've never been blessed with such beauty with anyone else.


	13. Moon and Star Memoirs: Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning for this chapter for portrayals of a PTSD attack from Claude, if this sort of thing is too distressing to read about.

Every breath of air taken in was thick and stifling. His head felt light, and every movement that was too quick made him feel dizzy. His eyes hurt. He avoided speaking with every bit of willpower he could muster.

He stayed in his room the entire day, the door closed and the blinds and curtains covering the windows fully closed to keep the room as dark as it would get. He could feel the turmoil of his rage and chaos swirling around in his head and chest, like it wanted so badly to tear through him and break free. He couldn't hear the voices, but he knew they were still there, the ghosts haunting him looming over him and all around as they mocked and degraded him. He still knew every single word of what they were saying.

Claude tried his best to keep his focus on his laptop's screen, just scrolling through various things online for a while to try and distract himself until the worst of this subsides, and is able to properly work through these feelings. He found some things that had caught his eye, and he began to read, the words and messages taking him elsewhere for a while. He'd finally begun to start calming down, he could feel it. One more thing to read, and he would take time to feel these things to work through them.

_ 'I once had a home. My mother was my home. She knew me before I knew me, gave me this body, brought me life. But, why, before I knew it, did the woman who created me become a stranger? You never fought for your own child. The family's relations were in tatters. When you were in pain, I was in pain, too. When my father broke your heart, my heart was broken, too. When you cried, I would cry, too. I now look at you in fury. I see red. It feels as if flames engulf me by the wrath I crave in my core. This was the bitter truth. But, despite these truths, I still call to her. I call for my mother. I want to go home, but after birth, I never truly had a home to go to.' _

The shock hit his chest hard enough to knock all of the air out of his lungs. With a shaky gasp, he turns away from the screen, eyes wide and aimed at nothing in particular as the tears began to flow. He forced a trembling hand up to press against his mouth, as if he were scared to make a sound. His mind was blank, the only thing he could do was cry out, his resolve completely crumbled away before he could salvage it.

"N-no... No...  _ No no no no no _ ... Stop...  _ Stop it _ ... Get a-away from me... Get away get away... I'll fucking kill you..."

He could only sob and frantically ramble. His control was gone.

"I hate you... I hate you... You  _ stole _ her from me...  _ Give her back _ ... I  _ hate _ you... I'll kill you... I'll  _ kill you _ ... Die... Forgive me... Forgive me...  _ Forgive me forgive me forgive me...! _ "

He laid down on the bed and covered his face with his hands in an attempt to quiet down his sobs and shouts, growing angrier and louder by the second.

"I  _ HATE _ you! You're  _ DISGUSTING!  _ YOU  _ RUINED _ ME! I'M DISGUSTING TOO BECAUSE OF YOU! I HAVE  _ NOTHING _ LEFT!  _ NO ONE!  _ **_JUST DIE!_ ** "

"Claude?! I'm coming in!!"

" _ NO, _ **_PLEASE-!_ ** "

The door opened quickly, and Claude turned his head away with a frantic whine. He didn't dare to turn back around, even when Dimitri gently had a seat next to him. He'd fallen silent again aside from the noises unavoidable from his sobs, feeling terrified to even exist around the other in this state. He felt the guilt, humiliation, and urges to disappear drowning out the rage and violent impulses. Those voices were screaming in his ears. He could feel those ghosts raking their claws all across his arms. He could feel one or two hands grabbing at his upper arms in an attempt to yank him, but to no avail.

_ 'FAKE PRINCE!' _

_ 'YOU ARE NOT HIM!' _

_ 'GIVE HIM TO US!' _

_ 'DISGUSTING BEASTS!' _

_ 'YOU SHOULD BOTH DIE!' _

_ 'YOU ARE WEAK!' _

_ 'YOU DEFEND A MONSTER!' _

_ 'YOUR LOVE IS CORRUPTION!' _

**_"SHUT UP AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!"_ **

His eyes stayed clenched shut, awaiting the ghosts to grow more frantic, but instead, they had suddenly disappeared. He'd heard that yell, but he didn't actually know if it were himself that had said it, or Dimitri. Only when another voice spoke up to break the silence that had begun to drown him instead did he begin to crawl back out of that hysteria.

"Are they still attacking you?"

He risked it. He slowly moved his hands away from his face, completely red and soaked from his tears as he carefully eyed Dimitri, observing every bit of his expression to notice any minor shift.

"N-...No..."

"Do you need to be alone again?"

" **_NO!_ ** I-I mean... No. Don't leave.  _ Please don't leave me... _ "

Dimitri held his arms out as an invitation. What he expected was a small shake of the head and small thanks for the offer, not Claude nearly tackling him in a second's time. But he refused to complain, and held Claude tight as he broke down once again. He was being squeezed tight enough to be short of breath, but that didn't bother him one bit, not when he was being trusted enough to be relied on during such a time. He rocked them both back and forth gently, and murmured small assurances when needed. He let Claude let it all out, and didn't intervene when he'd fallen into those bouts of repetition again. Being given the chance to just let it out, and not be cut off and judged, it really helped.

"Dimitri... I love you so much..."

"I love you too, Claude. I always will. I will always be here with you when you need someone."

"Even at my worst?"

"Of course. You never left me during my worst times, and I will never leave you during yours."

The room fell silent again, with Claude now calmed enough to be reduced to small sniffles.

"...Hey, uh... Can you let go real quick?"

"Of course I can." And Dimitri loosens his grip to let Claude move away.

"Thank you." Claude replies softly, and reaches over around his pillow to grab a roll of toilet paper, and pulled off a bit to fold and blow his nose with. He tossed it into the small trash can by his bed, and scooted back over to hug Dimitri again with a small sigh. He didn't let it last long though, before he went back to his laptop to close the tab with the writing on it, and loaded up something else instead. He opened up another tab to pull up some videos to watch instead, too.

"I'm already feeling much better, so wanna head back to the shared bedroom and watch some videos with me for a while before heading to bed?"

"Sure, I would love to!" Dimitri replied happily. "I'm so happy you feel better!"

Both made to stand, and walked out of the room to head a few doors down to the shared bedroom. Claude set the laptop and charger down on his nightstand, and took a moment to take off his shirt and sweatpants before plugging in the charger and climbing into bed. Dimitri watched with a moment of surprise, but grinned and took off his own shirt and sweatpants before getting comfy next to Claude, and put an arm around him once they'd found a nice position. Claude searched up some certain videos to watch, ones that always made him laugh, and clicked on the first one he wanted to watch.

For once, that turmoil was nowhere to be found without having to cry and scream them all away, without having to threaten them with some form of violence he would never be able to commit.

He was at peace.


	14. Claude's Memoirs: Hangouts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of talk about mental illness in this chapter, if that is a sensitive topic. But it has some deep Felix in it, too, so that's a thing.

It was oddly warm outside today, and I noticed the small scrunches of Python and Felix's noses at it as they observed all the birds and bugs fluttering about. These guys are as "eat the rich" as I am, so I already knew why they were so displeased with this. It's only February after all, it shouldn't be this warm when we had snow covering everything not even a week ago.

Felix found a nice patch of grass in the sun for us all to relax on, and he, Python, Lukas and I all laid down on it to just let ourselves chill together for a while. And chill we did, as the sounds relaxed us, and the sun warmed us when the breeze would blow, still pretty chilly. We all laid there in a peaceful silence, with Felix and Python's eyes closed, and Lukas and I just looking around at everything.

"Y'know...I've been thinking." Felix says softly to break the silence. "Do any of you ever realize the you're gonna be an adult for the rest of your life?"

Python's eyes shoot right open, and he turns his head just enough to give Felix a troubled look.

"There are so many other words in the English language, and you just had to go and say those..."

I giggle at the mischievous grin Felix gives Python as he too opens his eyes, and his own eyes cast themselves to the sky once his expression softens to a neutral once again.

"I legit mean it though, like, do any of you ever get all existential like this all the time, or is it just me doing it all the time since I have too much time on my hands now, because I can't fight or work any sort of job anymore?"

"Nah, I get like this, too, but you guys know I don't like thinking... Especially NOT about existential shit..."

"I mean, sometimes just letting yourself dabble in that for a while isn't all bad." I add. "Helps you kinda keep grounded and down-to-earth, I guess is a good way to word it."

"Is it, though? It just makes folks who don't like thinkin' about stuff do thinkin' stuff, and that doesn't sound very fun to me."

After that, the conversation sort of fizzles down to a peaceful silence again for a short bit, since none of us could really think of anything to say. Until Python spoke up this time.

"I've been meanin' to ask ya, Claude, is Dimitri doin' alright? He didn't come with you this time so I was just wonderin'."

I notice Felix look away at that, but said nothing about it. "Yeah, he's doing alright, he just wanted to take today to relax at home and rest. He hasn't planned out a day to just sleep as much as he can to try and get some rest in for a long while. I told him he could text me whenever he wanted to, and I'd come running back if something happened or he wanted me to come back. I won't refuse him if he needs my company."

"You are a very good partner for him." Lukas says, finally joining in on the conversation with a smile. "He may have his troubles, but despite his dependence, you don't force him into it at all times and allow him some time to himself. That is a very good thing to do, especially in his case, since the two of you have such trust in each other."

I feel a big flutter of joy in my chest hearing those words from him. When Lukas gives compliments, they're always genuine, every single time. And the fact he gives extra reasoning and details like this, it always just makes it even more wonderful to hear from him, since he's so similar to Felix and I involving having difficulties showing affection and reading social cues.

"You think so? That's really good to hear, I always wanna give him freedom when he wants it, when he can handle it of course, but also not leave him all alone if he were to suddenly need me. I've seen it up close for years, living with BPD like he does isn't fun or easy, and I'm not about to make things harder for him or use that against him in any way. He's come so far, and I wanna be there with him all the time and show him just how proud of him I am."

"Eeeeugh, you're makin' me feel _soft stuff_ , Claude, stop it!" Python groaned out dramatically, "I ain't a mushy guy, and you're makin' me feel _mushy!_ "

"He isn't wrong, though."

We all turn to Felix, who had since looked back up at the sky, his expression one even I couldn't quite read. I give him a curious hum, hoping he'd elaborate further.

"Living with mental illness isn't at all easy, especially when it's always there haunting you and making you feel things you can't prevent. Attachments that are obsessive in levels, but not abusive and controlling in external affliction. Constant paranoia that you'll suddenly be abandoned and left to rot with who knows what haunting you in your mind, so you constantly seek affection if you aren't the kind to push someone away before they leave you... You're the ideal mediator for him, Claude. You don't force him to keep things bottled up, but you don't enable him at his worst either. You try to get him out of whatever destructive things he does when he does them, and gets him just distracted enough to be able to feel these things in a better way to get them out. I see the both of you together...and I see Ashe and I."

I can tell that I wasn't the only one taken aback by this sudden deep honesty from Felix, considering the air around us had become super still, and the silence was even more intense than before. He didn't even look our way, didn't even retract his statements or get upset over a lack of response. He...he truly meant this. I know he does, and that made the joy in me even more intense and fluttery. I give him a warm smile when he peeks back to look at me.

"Hearing that sort of thing from you means so much, Felix..." I finally say, my voice soft. "I...I'm glad you think so."

"I know so. You jumped in, and before long I...hm. I can't believe I'm saying this..."

I wait patiently for him to continue.

"...You're helping the Boar become less of... _that_...each day. I can actually tolerate him again thanks to you. You don't just make him worse, and you don't try and get at me for my deal with him either while forcing me to be all nicey nicey, so you've...you've put a rope down for us both to grab and pull each other back up... I suppose."

That time he did watch me, hoping for a response. This was a very touchy topic for him, so I don't blame him. After all this time, and all those two had been through together, and what Felix has seen from Dimitri, of course I'm not gonna force him to be all nice and well behaved. That's just ridiculous a thing to do, and seeing other people do it and scold him for his aggression always pissed me off. I only joined the scolding when Felix would just completely lash out and degrade Dimitri at every turn, and that didn't happen often since Felix tried to avoid him all the time, so what even is the point? Nobody but Ashe and I ever really heard him out, heard his side of things, and that's why now we all have such a close bond and trust, and he's willing to try and work with us to try and get to know Dimitri again. And this is the step I had always dreamed of him reaching, and I couldn't be more proud of him. He's trying and it shows, and I'm so happy.

He looks slightly nervous now, so I give him a reassuring smile, and that joy only escalates the more I see how quickly he relaxed.

"You know how proud I am of you, right? I always hoped I'd be a good enough help to get you guys at this point." My smile turns more joking as it grows wider now. "Maybe sometime soon you'll be calling him by his name again."

"I wouldn't go that far."

That was good enough an answer to me, and I chuckle as I get comfortable again. That peaceful silence returned, and it lasted a lot longer this time. Until my phone interrupted it with the beeps signaling a text. I take it out of my pocket to check it, and sure enough, it was from Dimitri.

'How are you all doing?'

'We're doing good, just lying down in some fluffy grass and chilling. How's everything at home?'

'It's alright, I just got done watching this really weird show on the history channel that talked about flan for around 15 minutes for some reason...'

'...Damn, now I want flan.'

'LOL I apologize for making you hungry like that'

'Nah, it's all good, it's about time Felix is about to get up to head back home to Ashe, since Ashe is gonna come pick him up to have him follow along on their store trip, and once he does, Python and Lukas and I are gonna head out, too.'

Felix's own phone vibrated, and he took it out to check. It was indeed Ashe, just like Claude had mentioned, and Felix stood to stretch and start walking back from where they came.

"Ashe is here now, I gotta go. See you all later."

'Ashe just text and said he's here, so Felix is already getting up. I'll be home soon.'

'Alright, I'll be waiting! I love you!'

'Love you too, Dimi!'

And with that, I turn my phone's screen off and join Python and Lukas to stand, and we all begin our own trek back to Python's car.

* * *

I open the front door, and the very first thing I see is Dimitri sitting at the bottom of it, looking up at me with the biggest and brightest smile, the one that always lights up my day.

"Welcome back!" He says cheerfully, and hops up to pull me into a hug, and I return it just as tight. He chattered on happily about what he did while I was gone, and told me about all the things he'd watched and looked through, and I listened intently to every word. I'd gotten comfortable on the sofa, and he hurries off into the kitchen for a moment before returning with a bowl of instant ramen for me that I take with a smile and thanks.

"You were out for a while, so I imagined you must be hungry. I hope I made it how you like it."

"Oh, Goddess, you did PERFECT~" And _holy hell_ was I telling the truth. For not being able to taste, Dimitri got the amount of garlic powder and mustard in this _PERFECT_. After Felix made it for me to try one time, jokingly calling it one of his "poor folk gourmet improvisations", I barely ever eat this kind of instant ramen without garlic powder and mustard added in, too. I tried to grin at him despite my mouth being full, since he looked so overjoyed that he had succeeded in making them. He sat down next to me, and I giggled at how many times I'd seen and heard him take in big breaths to get that smell in. I don't blame him, this smells _so good_...

"After I eat this, want me to make you some, too?"

"Oh, no, I've already eaten. But thank you, though!"

I nod and slurp up the last of the noodles in the bowl, and test the soup to make sure it wasn't too hot before I drank it all up. I let myself sigh out loud in contentment and sit for a moment to let it settle, and finally stood to make my way to the kitchen to wash my silverware. All the while, Dimitri was at my side, smiling bright and conversing with me. These times were always wonderful, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, even my ultimate goals of bringing peace and unity back to the world once the sands of time had worn it all away for new borders to rise. Though in all honesty...

...As long as I have Dimitri by my side, peace is achieved. This world is much better than it would be if he wasn't here right now, his head on my shoulder as I casually meander about and find labels to read after an urge struck to do so. This life is much more worth bearing and living through with him here like this. These times, and all other times with him, good and bad, I want them all and am thankful for all of them.


	15. Moon and Star Memoirs: Exploration (Semi-Explicit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback chapter, and contains a tad bit of these two exploring, but nothing too into it. It also contains details on Claude's chest, in case that's a topic that's good to steer clear from due to him not having any top surgery or anything.

Dimitri's gaze stayed directed right on his hands, and took in every little bit of movement of them as he fiddled with them nervously. He wanted to look up, and see Claude, but he refused to give in. Not when Claude was changing.

"Why're you looking down? You can look if ya like, I don't mind."

Dimitri took in a quick breath. Dammit, with that put out there, it was getting harder and harder to resist. He finally gave in, and let himself look up.

"A-alright, if you-OH! I-I'M SORRY!"

Then, with a noise of panic, he was staring back down at his hands again with wide eyes. He was almost sure he would start steaming at any moment, and the chuckle he heard only made him even more convinced that he'd start to...

"Aww, c'mon, ya just looked up! Ya don't gotta look away!"

"...A-are you sure?"

"I'm positive. It's nothing to be worried about, I don't mind one bit. We'll see each other without any clothes at all eventually, so why not without a shirt now?"

A few deep breaths, and Dimitri had calmed himself enough to look back up. He saw that bright smile and those eyes shining from Claude's amusement as he looked Dimitri up and down. His hands were behind his back, and Dimitri assumed this was a way to tease him, especially when Claude had leaned down just a tad.

"Like what ya see?"

"I-I...um..."

"You don't have to be so worried about looking at them, Dimi." Claude said softly, and moved his hands up to cup his breasts to lift them up a bit. "I'm gonna be showing you these a lot more in the future, so get your fill while they're out. I don't take my bra off often unless it's to change it, y'know?"

"I don't want to encroach on your boundaries..."

Claude only smiled at that, and walked over to have a seat on the bed next Dimitri. He held in his giggle at the small noise of surprise he heard, and took one of Dimitri's hands in his own.

"Here, want me to guide you?"

"Wh-what? I don't understand."

"Wanna touch them?"

"I-I..." Dimitri paused. The patience Claude gave him was reassuring, but it still was a little nerve-wracking to him to see Claude's chest for the first time like this. "...I would...like to."

"Alright then, here." Claude almost jolted at the sudden heat of Dimitri's hand as he moved it to cup around one of his breasts, but he remained still. It felt pretty nice, anyway. The room was pretty chilly to him. "You don't have to be too gentle, but don't go wild with it if you mess with them, alright?"

With a small nod, Dimitri moved his hand to massage. His complete focus on his movements was adorable enough to Claude to get him opening his mouth to make a comment on it, but he bit his lip before he could get a word out when the attention was shifted to his nipples. Claude let out a small gasp, and Dimitri quickly pulled his hands away.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, don't worry." Claude replied. "It felt good."

After a brief moment, his hands returned to their place. He took his time exploring, and always looked up at Claude's face to observe his reaction when he'd made any new moves. The feeling of it was more than good to Claude, enough to make him want to rub his thighs together to try and get some sort of friction even, but he stayed still. And the obvious focus on how Claude felt through all of this made his heart swell. It was so sweet. Dimitri was always the considerate kind, and it drove Claude crazy.

"So...how do you like them?"

"They're...nice. A-and big..."

Claude let himself laugh at that, and grinned at the look he was given for that. "You can thank the genes for that. Big titties are a family trait on both sides."

"Oh, Claude... Why did you choose that word out of any other one you could use?"

"Mammaries? Chesticles? _Boobies?_ "

"...On second thought, the first word is fine."

The laughing grew louder for a moment before Claude calmed himself, and shook his head before leaning up to give Dimitri a quick kiss.

"I appreciate the sentiments, my dear~"

"Please just kiss me again, I won't be able to focus otherwise..."

"Ppffff-! Okay then, will do~"


End file.
